by user_dd | Jan 14, 2016 | Transitory Thoughts
It can be tough to take on someone else’s experience, but in the end, attempting empathy will help you (and others) growth.
A SHIFT IN OUR SENSES
Part of the shift we’re going through as a society is experiencing new forms of understanding. This happens at a deeper level than words and body language—it involves two souls communicating directly. It is a dance of energy and feeling.
As we grow in our awareness of a multidimensional reality, we learn how to engage with the world a little differently. This applies strongly to romance. With a US divorce rate of around 50%, it pays to wonder how to build a strong love life.
There are many relationship techniques you can pick up, and some of them are useful. What we’ll be talking about here, though, is empathy. This is the ability to sense the emotions of another person. It gives you valuable information and enhances bonding.
HIGH-END RELATIONSHIPS
Imagine coming home and saying hi to your partner. They smile, but you can just feel that something is off. You ask them how their day went, and listen carefully to anything that stands out. You check out their tense lip and fidgety fingers. Then it happens…one thing leads to another, and all of a sudden you’re in a fight! And why exactly?
Empathy opens up a broader range of experiences. Instead of being confused or saying the wrong things, you start to become a bit more fluid in social interactions. You’re tuned into a channel you never heard before. Even if you do make a faux pas, you can course correct more easily.
Enough talk. Whenever it comes to things like developing awareness and exercising your intuition, the best course is real world practice. Here are 3 keys to start using empathy.
KEY #1: CLEAR YOURSELF
Ever try to talk with someone in a noisy room? How’d that work?
If you’re cluttered with thoughts and emotions, it’s a challenge to sense your partner’s emotions. The first step is calming yourself and stilling your mind. Meditation is the classic formula for this.
Here’s a simple meditation:
- Sit comfortably.
- Close your eyes.
- Take a few deep breaths.
- Focus on your breathing.
- When a thought or emotion distracts you, allow it to run its course, then simply focus again on the breath.
Do this for 5 minutes a day, and build up to 10.
Also, throughout your day, pay attention to how your body feels and any emotions that arise. Accept them and be mindful of what they are and how they affect you.
KEY #2: CONNECT INTENTIONALLY
Energy follows intention. Now that you’re more aware and mindful, you’re able to form clearer intentions. Next time you’re with your partner, feel the desire to connect at a deeper level. “Breathe into” the feeling and let it expand. Be it.
KEY #3: BE PLAYFUL
Imagine you’re the other person. Literally imagine this. Pretend you can actually see from their eyes, hear from their ears, and otherwise feel from their senses. What sort of things might you be thinking if you had that experience? What might you be experiencing? Feeling?
Try this exercise at the mall or other public place. Choose a random person, and focus your awareness on them. Let yourself be calm and clear when you start, then imagine how they are. Things will come to you that will seem made up. It’s okay. Apply some childlike playfulness here.
When you’re with your partner, notice which sensations and information you get by doing this. You will want to gauge yourself, so use some of the advice in this post: Seeing Things Doesn’t Make Me Crazy.
Keep experimenting. You’ll get the hang of it.
Go ahead. Slip on those other shoes and start walking.
Please share your experiences below! I’d love to hear what impact these exercises have had on your empathy and relationships.
by user_dd | Sep 17, 2015 | Community Conversations
Are we ever truly alone and separate? Or is there something bigger we are a part of?
Holism is the view that everything must be taken within the context of a greater whole. To some, this is an intuitive concept: cells must be understood within the system of the body, individual animals within the ecosystem, each ecosystem within the global environment, planets within galaxies, etc.
But holism has much greater potential than simply an intellectual tool. For example, when we judge ourselves or others for misaligned behaviors, holism asks us to reflect upon what brought those things about: What emotions drove us to that outburst? What in our psyche caused us to react that way? Holism opens ourselves to a greater degree of compassion for ourselves and others through systematic analysis, as well as loving acceptance of another being you are integrally connected with.
Holism posits the paradox that even though we are each an irreducible and un-substitutable individual (one need only contemplate the infinite uniqueness of a single leaf on a tree, a tree within a forest), we are all still informed, shaped, connected to, and fulfilled by a unified system that is us far more than any sense of self divorced from the rest of reality.
This kind of metaphysical holism has astounding implications. It proposes that each person is greater than his or her individual self. It creates a new way of relating to fellow human beings, in that each is understood to be invaluable in his or her contribution and very being, a reflection and powerful element of the system as a whole.
Rather than any individual perspective becoming dominant, all become prisms with which to refract the same light; this is not to denounce critical rigor, but rather to transform argumentation into constructive conversation and curious discourse.
Overall, holism means loving oneself and finding oneself as oneself. We can never fully know, because there is always more to learn, to discover, and to love. The process and systematic whole is reflected in the beauty of each aspect, animal, plant, river, planet, star, and person, and each reveals another verse of the great mystery of life. We need only open our eyes to see and ears to listen.
About our guest author:
David Rauenzahn is a long-time seeker of deeper meaning. A recent Religious Studies graduate from Reed College, David spent the majority of his academic career pursuing perennial truths and the connections between objective truths, consciousness, and perspective. He is currently looking to bring dialectical techniques into politics to engender a holistic political environment that seeks a cooperative synthesis of values and perspective.
by user_dd | Jun 22, 2015 | Announcements
Do you struggle with relationships—finding, building, or keeping them? Most people make these three (3) mistakes in relationships:
- Not being available—you think you’re ready for a commitment, but you can’t commit to an ice cream flavor let alone another person.
- Not knowing what you want—ever notice how hard it is to please someone when you have no idea what makes them happy? No, your partner should not be a graduate of the psychic network and know how to read your mind.
- Not listening—you can spot the above two mistakes in the people you’re dating pretty quickly if you listen to what they’re saying. If you can spot these in other people, you’ll be more likely to spot them in yourself. So really this one is about learning how to listen to yourself as well as others.
Love shows itself in powerful ways through other people we connect with romantically, socially, and physically. Other people literally become an extension of ourselves. We have the potential to grow significantly when we find relationships that complement our weaknesses and illuminate our strengths.
Spirit in Transition is hosting a new community event called Finding ‘the One.’ Based on the book Calling in “The One”: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life (no prior reading needed), this bi-weekly series offers strategies for attracting love into your life and improving relationships.
To find out more and register for the address, click here.
Our meetings are held at 7:15pm, every 2nd and 4th Monday of the month.
We hope to see you there!
